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MONDAY MUSINGS - The true weight of words.

Last week I watched a documentary, and I was struck by something said by someone in their account of the events….

“He said I love you as he said goodbye, which is very weird - it’s the first time we said that we love each other in a while.”

She never saw him again.

She will never forget those last words exchanged – and how much meaning that one sentence will continue to give her for the rest of her life. The times she will recount this moment, those words, that memory. The continuous replay of those words on a loop, and the infiltrating impact on every cell in her body as she hears that message from him – her lost love - on repeat for the rest of time.

His very last words.

She never saw him again.

I was struck by the absolute power of that concept. A word or statement that stuns us, knocks us off our feet, or catches us off guard. A word or statement that has the power to change or influence a moment, or even an entirety. A word or statement that can change everything, either in that present moment, or later, with hindsight. And it’s that hindsight that makes those words more significant for the rest of our existence.

And words have the ability to have absolute power. This is evident in our sometimes sheer inability to forget some words.

The critical words we tell ourselves in shame.

The delivery of ‘bad news’.

The criticism harshly delivered by others.

The unintentional comment that rips through you, in that moment, and then again and again at various points throughout your life.

The words of the bully, that has impacted the entirety of your life ever since.

The words served to you, that you hoped you would never have to hear.

The power of words can be life changing, mood altering, and touch us deep within our souls.

In the dating world, just one word can instantly deny your chances of any kind of connection with the stranger sat opposite you on a first date.

The swear word that offends you.

An answer to a question which is very far from the answer you had hoped for.

The statement in support of the ‘wrong’ political party.

The story about the ex that gives them ‘the ick’….

Or even just someone’s open support of pineapple on pizza.

A word, a quote, or a poem can have a profound impact on how we view the world, or how we make choices in our lives.

A single word, or collection of words, also has the potential to form a detrimental sentence, and can influence the recipients’ unexpected opinion of the bearer of those words. A statement, an expressed thought, a controversial viewpoint can very suddenly make us see a person in a different light. And make us question their motives, or even our own relationship, or compatibility with them.

The words we hear can open a can of worms, evoke a memory, or trigger a trauma response. We can instantly be transported back to a memory deeply locked into the vault of our minds when someone says something that may remind us.

“My dad always used to say that”

“I haven’t heard that expression for years”

“That reminds me of that place/time/person”

A jingle, a slogan, a strap line. All designed to be memorable words that have the potential to ‘influence’ us – or just allow branding or concepts to be burrowed in our minds.

There’s song lyrics we remember word for word from a 1987 track, when we can’t even remember what we had for lunch just 45 minutes ago.

Then there’s the sentence that changed everything:

“I slept with someone else”

“I’ve got cancer”

“I’m pregnant”

“I quit”

And somehow there will always be a time when someone told us we were not good enough, we believed them, and it stuck. Our behaviour, response, and confidence forever determined by how that statement made us feel in that very moment, there to be repeated again and again, maybe even for the rest of time.

But then thank goodness we remember the words sometimes, especially if “I love you” is the last thing someone says to you.

The script of the final goodbye, the most precious everlasting words of love and affirmation.

The first words of your baby to be remembered and treasure forever.

The wedding vows that made you weep.

The best man’s speech that made everyone wince.

The rejection that made you doubt yourself.

The announcement that changed the direction of your life.

The eulogy.

And thank goodness the actor can learn their lines to perform for us, and for the song you know every word to that has the ability to transport you right back to a moment in time that you will forever want to travel back to.

Can words suck us in with blinding glimmers of hope, and at times set us up for failure? – the promise that gets broken, the commitment that gets forgotten, the offer that get retracted, or the thing we are dying to mention, but we just cannot bring ourselves to say.

I guess the moral of the story is – be careful what you say. Choose your words wisely, activate your filter, and as the old saying says – “Mince your words before you spit them.”

Another old saying, which I’ve never been able to get on board with is – “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” I’ve never agreed with that. Broken bones and bruises heal – they can disappear and be disguised. They can be your own little secret.

For me, words cut deeper. It takes more that plaster casts and physio to repair the damage some words can inflict on us.

And words are recognised as strong – to hold so much power that they are considered sometimes even contractual. “Word is bond”, or “you have my word” – these show the significance and power of words that can tie us together via promise, commitment, unity, obligation, and ultimately, trust.

Trust comes with words of affirmation.

And affirmation comes with words.

Without words with have neither affirmation, commitment, or understanding.

Without words we have silence, and doubt, and misconception.

Without words we lack passion, humility, honesty, and encouragement.

Without words – written or spoken - we are soulless and silent.

Choose your words carefully, choose your audience wisely, and know that your words hold more weight than you may every be able to comprehend.