THE 10 YEAR ITCH

MONDAY MUSINGS - The sad reality of disillusion in Nursing

Last week I reflected on the fact that it has been 10 years since I closed my business after a decade. That milestone also marks 10 years since I embarked on my nursing journey.

Including my training, I have now been 10 years in nursing. When I embarked in 2016 I didn’t have a clue about being a nurse, or even working in healthcare. I was embarking on a degree as a mature student and honestly truly didn’t know if I would make it past the first week. I also told myself very firmly that if I established even after that first week that this was not for me, I would put pressure on myself to continue, I allowed myself the grace to give up - and this was something I have ever allowed myself before.

Life for me, has always been about persevering, continuing regardless of consequences, or even at times suffering for a cause I was determined to succeed in. Giving up has never been an option. I just don’t give up.

I spoke last week about a key driver in my decision to close my business - my ultimate quest for freedom, after feeling the strain of essentially being tied to a building I could never escape for 10 years. I had to give myself an easier get out for the first time in my life - and believe me when I say, that was huge for me. I didn’t know anyone who was a nurse, or even working in healthcare in any capacity. I had no one to go to for advice, no one to truly be in a position to tell me this was potential madness on my part. So I had to trust myself. My instinct, my ability to know my own boundaries, and to be able to listen to the voice that tells me jump - get out - run - ultimately listen to the instinct that tells you there is something better out there that is more made for you than this.

I finally learnt to listen to that instinct when it told me that there had to be something more meaningful meant for me than icing sugar and tea leaves. So I had to trust myself to not spend 10 years pursuing nursing if it didn’t bring me joy.

Believe me when I say there are many people you meet as a qualified nurse and also when in training who question your choice to be a nurse. They tell you their own horror stories, they show you they have lost their spark for the profession, and they question your why, and usually don’t understand your answer.

I have always risen above that. The opinions, the lack of moral, the ‘bitchiness’ that inevitably comes with working within a predominantly female dominated profession. Nursing has always stolen my heart in stronger ways than those opinions and actions ever could. I have always kept my patients and my own goals at the forefront of the negativity and away from those who evidently no longer spark joy from the profession.

Last week in reflecting on the last 10 years, I found myself questioning if I still felt all of that as strongly? It genuinely pains me to admit that I feel those very opinions and actions seeping their way through, stronger than ever. I feel myself being pulled into the negativity. Suddenly the politics and the drama and the opinions have become the more dominant voices in my head. Suddenly I realise these voices and scenarios are not actually new, but somehow my tolerance and my ability to rise above it all has weakened. I have weakened. My determination has weakened.

So it got me thinking - is this a 10 year itch? It that my default setting - 10 years arrives and something dwindles, something is lost?

I’m by no means ready to leave nursing, but I feel after 10 years I can see why even the best and most dedicated nurses can become disillusioned. I find myself edging towards membership within that club, and I find most of my days are now dominated by my strong desire not to accept full time membership within that club. But the fight becomes increasingly harder, and I am struggling with how incredibly hard that feels to accept and to feel.

Because ultimately I have nothing but love for nursing. I can genuinely say I found my calling, being a nurse with genuine passion, drive, and dedication for this incredible profession has always been my main goal. I have felt nothing but honour and pride to be a nurse, and nursing has taught me my most valuable lessons in life.

Perhaps also my most valuable life skills - compassion, curiousity, emotional intelligence, observation skills, problem solving, leadership, accountability, honesty, candour, and perhaps most importantly - the value and fragility of life.

I consider myself lucky every day to be a nurse and to use my skills as a nurse to help and support others.

But if I am true to myself - the 10 year itch is definitely itching. And I can never give up on, or lose sight of, the promise I made to myself a decade ago to never allow myself to be trapped in something that doesn’t spark joy - to remember that change is ok, and walking away can open doors that offer more authenticity and fresh passion and perspective.

Am I going to leave nursing because the 10 year itch is itching?

In short - No.

But reflecting on 10 years has definitely made me question what I am feeling at this moment in time, and left me facing a battle with myself about what feels right for me and my future.

I find myself fighting daily against working in an utterly broken system, in a country that seems to have its priorities all wrong, and in a world where horror and hate seem to rear their ugly faces daily, across the entirety of our miraculous planet.

For me nursing will never be just a job - it’s so much more than that. When you work alongside people who don’t share that view, I honestly cannot tell you how hard that is. How it pushes me to an overwhelming desire to run on a daily basis, and how it makes me even consider turning my back on this profession, even for a brief moment most days.

I know I’m not alone in this - because the statistics speak for themselves. According to the Nursing and Midwifery Council (NMC) 70% of nurses and midwives have experienced bullying, harassment and abuse in the last year. And sadly only 12% would recommend the profession - what’s even sadder about that statistic is that this is reported despite 58% reporting overall job satisfaction. This suggests many professionals find true meaning in the work itself, but are concerned about the realities and challenges of the profession.

And I think that is where I am at. When you love your job, you strive to be the best nurse, and nursing becomes and intrinsic part of you - but you hate the politics, the system, the hierarchy, the outdated policies, the underfunding, and general way things are so often poorly managed - you naturally become disillusioned. You are forced there, often backed into a corner - a quiet corner where you are usually being silenced in some way - and believe me when I tell you - that hurts. Deeply.

A systematic review and Meta Analysis from the BMC Nursing (2025) determined that Nursing burnout is a significant global workforce issue. “Around one-third of nurses experience emotional exhaustion, nearly two-thirds report feelings of demoralisation, and workplace stressors such as understaffing, bullying, discrimination, and lack of managerial support contribute to growing disillusionment and negative attitudes toward the profession.”

Sadly I can say I have experienced the majority of those things, that have tainted all the roles I have had as a nurse in some way, whether directly or having witnessed others experiencing it.

And seeing those words across my page brings me a feeling of genuine sadness. I consider myself so lucky and privileged to be a nurse. I have always been incredibly proud to be a nurse, and despite only being 10 years in, nursing is an inherent part of me - it’s who I am, it’s who I want to be, and you could say it has made me the best version of me. Nursing gives you a sense of both gratitude and understanding that having spent the larger majority of my life as a ‘lay person’ - I know I wouldn’t have in the same way without it.

Will it get better? I don’t know. Will we find away to save and improve our complex and strained healthcare system? I can’t say. Will so many of it’s own staff, and the public who use it, stop abusing the system for their personal gain? Probably not.

Right now I see no solutions, I feel the impact of all of my feelings, my frustrations, and my moral distress hard and strong - they are itching me every day. 10 years of increasing itching and resisting the urge to scratch.

But I’m not ready to give up. I believe in my profession, and I believe in me.

But I also feel strongly that I can never allow myself to forget the promise I made to myself a decade ago to put myself and my freedom first. I can’t allow the betrayal of that.

So I’m somewhere on a tight rope right now - balancing what I desire and what I have worked so hard towards, and what I need to remember about the promises I made to myself and agreed to live by.

I will always be a nurse in some capacity - but as the disillusion creeps in, I find myself looking outside the box, I find myself looking for more. I find myself seeking the people who’s values and work ethic align with mine, and sadly all those things seem to become rarer each day.

For now I need patience, and something that resembles calamine lotion to settle the itch for now, until I find the place where I can be the nurse I long to be, in the space that feels right for me.

Here’s to the adventures of the next 10 years, and excitement and wonder of where they may take me and shape me.